Singing cicadas

I become someone very different during the summer. The summer is a hard time for me emotionally. It’s always been like that for as long as I can remember. I drink heavier, I stay inside more, nothing really fulfills me when I’m in this state of mind. I even take up smoking.

I think it stems from my inability to relate and bond with people. I’m not saying in a social recluse. However, I don’t know how to share emotional bonds with people; nor do I have the urge to want too. I have a perceived notion that for the most part every human on the face of the earth is an abomination. I have no interest in interacting with, and I’m no better either. So you could look at it psychologically that I don’t want to face my inner demons or literal that I for the most part hate the human race.

Thanks for reading my 9 am rambling, Have a great day.

Lana Del Rey – Old Money

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Miserable.

I haven’t written in forever, I know but I’m delving into one of my depressions again. At times like these I’m mostly aware and “inspired” when I’m either drunk or high. So most of my ideas get blacked out by the morning after. I hate feeling like this. I feel as if I’m losing control. I hate being so analytical and I wish I could be more expressive, but I can’t.

I don’t let anyone in and I feel like I’m drowning, it’s cool I’m used to it.

I’m hoping to get it of this soon, but until then I’ll write again soon

Lana Del Rey – Shades of Cool