An open letter to my future lover

I am human and I will make mistakes. Know that if I’ve let you in I truly love you. That being said, I promise to be honest to you. I have learned am learning from my mistakes. The one solemn vow I make to you will be that I will give you my honest self; not as a tribute to you but to me. I will never be ashamed of you or deny you. I will honor your existence and praise you for your individuality. I will make a conscious effort to always fight for us until there is nothing to fight for. I will not place you on a pedestal but set you beside me as my partner. I will not allow you to be my sole source of happiness, but my confidant. To breathe unto you my inner most secrets and desires. I will do my duty to give you this mutual haven. I have learned am learning from my mistakes. And I solemnly vow this.

The xx – Together

Breaking up, breaking away

It’s been a while since my ex and I haven’t been together. Yet, whenever I find anything that either belongs to her or find something that I kept as a memoir of a day we spent together I can’t help but feel this overwhelming sadness of someone I’ve lost.

To me it’s a fate worse than death, just because death is inevitable. However, when you choose to not have someone on your life and they fall out of your life there’s this desperation to reach out to them just because its still possible. It’s living with the dead and I hate it.

I’m not entirely sure if I miss her as a person or just the memory of her. I guess the sole reason she meant so much to me was that I gave my entire self to her. Something I’ve never done with anyone else because I didn’t want to feel hurt. I know I have to move on, and I am slowly. I just miss her, regardless of our past and all the the things we did to one another.

She’s the most courageous, wonderful, intellectual, sweetest, endearing women I’ve ever met. I just want to let her know I don’t hate her and I wish her the best in everything she does in life. Because she deserves it, she was my best friend, my soul mate, my everything. She made me strive to be a better person. However she ends up with, will be a very lucky guy.

I just want closure I guess. I hope I find it one day. Thanks for reading today guys and have an awesome day.

Air – Playground Love

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Maybe cleaning my room wasn’t the best idea.

As I was cleaning my room I found a journal my former girlfriend and I kept together. In this journal we supposed to document everything we did together, including and excluding what was on our list.

We’ve been apart for about two years now but just recently stop talking to each other. I try to be strong, but I still miss her a lot. I sincerely thought she was the girl I was going to marry.

I’m not saying it was the most perfect relationship. I did and said a lot of things that I wish I could take back. She also hurt me in a lot of ways. Yet, there’s still a part of me that feels that I lost someone who truly cared about me. Despite what other people think or say, I know she had good intentions. She just wasn’t too sure if I was worth putting everything on the line. There’s not anything wrong for that if she didn’t feel the same way I did its understandable I don’t hold it against her. I just wish I hadn’t opened myself entirely to her. Now I just feel alone and exposed

Here’s a song that always makes me think of her. Stormy Weather – Lena Horne

Thanks for taking the time to read this. If you have any advice I’d gladly accept it or if you have any topics you’d be interested to hear comment below.

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